The wedding vow exchange is one of the most important — and memorable — parts of your wedding day. It’s the moment where you and your partner get to express your love for each other and make the promises that you’ll both keep “‘til death do us part.” Not only will these words make an impression on your big day, they’ll also set the tone for the rest of your married life together. So it’s important that your vows are a true reflection of you and your partner’s relationship.
While lots of couples choose to go the traditional route, reciting vows based on their religion or culture, many couples decide to deliver personalized wedding vows. Writing your own wedding vows gives you the opportunity to express your love in an authentic way, make the promises that feel right to you, and share what makes your love story unique. Reciting words that come straight from your heart adds more emotion and personality to your ceremony, and makes the moment feel more intimate and meaningful.
When it comes to writing your personalized wedding vows, you can include anything that speaks to your love for one another, as well as your hopes for the future. This could include anything from your “meet cute” story, all the little things you love about one another, and the ways you want to support them throughout your lives together.
While writing your own wedding vows is incredibly heartwarming, it can also be a daunting task! Looking for some inspiration to get the ink flowing? Read on to learn how to write the perfect personalized vows, as well as our tips on making the process as easy as possible.
Say “I love you”
This one might feel like a no-brainer, but those three magic words can often get forgotten between all of the personal anecdotes and promises you want to express. Consider this your reminder to include at least one, heartfelt “I love you” in your speech.
Voice your admiration
Now’s the time to really let your partner know how much you love them. When composing your vows, be sure to include a few (or a lot) of the things you admire about them. These could include their unique personality traits, the way they think and move through the world, specific things they’ve accomplished or achieved, as well as any little quirks that you love about them.
Share personal stories
To make your vows even more personal, include an anecdote (or two) that’s especially meaningful for your relationship. Depending on your love story, this could be anything: the story of how you met, the moment you fell in love, something you overcame together, or even an inside joke.
Make promises
Wedding vows aren’t all sentimental stories and words of affection. They’re also intended to express serious, life-long commitments you’re making to your partner. That means you’ll want to include real, actionable promises in your vows. Do you promise to support them through all their ups and downs? Write that down. Will you be there for them in sickness and in health? Say it!
Tips for writing your own wedding vows
Get inspired
Need a little help getting started? It’s always helpful to take a little inspiration from others. This could mean seeking out vows from real couples or rewatching a beloved rom-com or listening to your favorite ballads.
Luckily, a quick Google search can lead you to tons of real-world wedding vow examples, whether they’re quotes pulled for a magazine feature or YouTube recording of real ceremonies.
Reading what other couples have to say can give you an idea of what you do (or don’t) want to include in your own vows.
Alternatively, movie scripts and song lyrics can also provide ample inspiration, especially in terms of the type of language you’d like to use in your vows. When referencing your favorite pop culture moments, however, you’ll want to proceed with a light hand. While there’s no harm in cribbing some of the sentiment, you’ll definitely want to make the words -- and the moment -- your own rather than quoting verbatim.
Get on the same page
While you likely want your vows to remain a secret until the big day, it’s important that you and your partner are aligned on their general vibe. Getting on the same page ensures that your vows feel balanced. You don’t want one of you to write a novel and the other a haiku. Similarly, you might not want one to go all in with the laughs and the other to provoke tears.
Before you start writing, sit down with your partner and discuss what kind of tone you’d like to go for. Comedic and lighthearted? Or stoic and sentimental? You’ll also want to discuss the format and length of your vows.
Take your time
You’ll want to give yourself ample time to write (and, perhaps, rewrite) your wedding vows. This isn’t something you want to be writing the night before the ceremony!
Give yourself a few weeks or months to begin brainstorming and writing your vows. This allows you to process what you want to say and how you want to say it, as well as get all the inspiration and potential feedback you need. It also gives you the time to revisit and rewrite your vows if you feel like you missed something or something isn’t quite right.
…But don’t overthink it
While you should take your time writing your wedding vows, you don’t want them to take up too much of your time and headspace. Your vows should feel natural and sincere. Overthinking every word to put to paper can make your speech read as stilted and inauthentic. On top of that, too much time spent writing and rewriting can add even more stress to your pre-nuptial schedule and take up time that might be better allocated to other wedding planning endeavors.
Practice out loud
Finally, we suggest practicing your vows out loud -- in front of a mirror, if possible. While it might feel silly to read your vows to yourself, vocalizing them before the ceremony makes them sound more natural and helps you avoid any slip-ups. Practicing also allows you to sort out the pacing and intonation of your speech so that it sounds totally pitch perfect the day of. ✄
